can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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