Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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