I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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