If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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