We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Semen is not good for contacts.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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