i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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