I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
