Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
