wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
