Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
