we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
