You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
