found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize