bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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