my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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