I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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