mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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