My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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