it's not cheating when I paid for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
