im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
