we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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