I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
