Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
