I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night I used snow as a chaser
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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