My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
