My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I looked at my own cervix.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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