Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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