that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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