If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
