Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dude. I can hear the air.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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