I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
