i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize