Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
