So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
third nipple confirmed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
