how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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