It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
