this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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