I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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