i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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