I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize