That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
