in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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