apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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