4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize