plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
