took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
