it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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