If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
