You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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