I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
