I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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