i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
