I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yo dont text me then not text me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
