she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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