Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize