i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
