I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want her autograph on my taint
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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