Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
