Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
