you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
