I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
