So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
