he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
