Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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