i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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